From the Self Creation Archives
My Struggles with Writing
(The following was written in the beginning stages of selfcreation.com to help me overcome my writer’s block. Although I never intended to publish it, I thought some of you might find what I went through amusing.)
In my journals I write for and to myself. It’s only useful to me. No one is interested in the pondering's of my mind. People don’t care about my personal dilemmas or questions. And for this reason I feel no great need to make my journal writing’s brilliant works of art. I’m not trying to impress anyone. What would be the point? Is that what I’m doing now? Trying to impress? I don’t know. I hope not.
When I have been transformed by a new idea, it’s not because of the awe-inspiring, crafty way I arranged the words. Like when I discovered the difference between influence and control, I knew immediately I was on to something smart. It didn’t matter how I worded it. What mattered was the idea itself. I know what I know. I don’t have to explain it to myself. The intention of my journal writing has been self exploration. Like the cryptic notes of an archeologist, no one would be able to decipher the meaning or excitement from my journals.
Now I’m supposed to communicate these ideas to others?!? My words aren’t special. I have no training in writing. They’re plain and unadorned.
That’s me. Simple words.
I feel like I have been through so much. I think I have some great ideas to share. I’ve taken my revelations and applied them in my life to make sure they actually work. I used myself as a lab rat testing out all these ideas out on myself.
Now I’m to take these teaching and communicate them to the rest of the world. Holy shit! How can I possibly help people to understand? I’m not a gifted author. My media has always been visual. I don’t have a way with words. How can I write about these significant teachings and reach the largest number of people? How will I find the words that touch something deep inside them, like I’ve been touched? I’m ill equipped for the job.
So I sit here staring at the screen my fingers hovering above the keys wondering where to begin. I stretch and look up at the ceiling. I get up and make more coffee. I stand looking out the window hoping for some divine inspiration to come upon me. I sit back down then get back up. I play computer games, waiting as if I will know when it is time to start writing. I’m frozen in front of the monument I’m supposed to carve. Relax Jenn, just write…JUST WRITE! You can always make it better in the editing.
Here’s the thing; what if my words don’t make a difference to anyone? I read somewhere that “If you help just one person in your entire lifetime, then it is all worth it.” My first thought is “Hell no it’s not!" Only one person? One isn’t enough. What about the rest of the people? Can I be satisfied with only saving one soul from misery? Will I have to be content with reaching only a few with my simple words? What about the rest of the people? Will they continue experiencing unnecessary pain because I wasn’t an effective communicator? Ahh, there’s the rub. Fear of inadequacy.
Perhaps this is about acceptance; accepting the fact that I will not be able to reach everyone. Some will get it, some won’t. Some will be ready to hear me, and some won’t. Some will WANT to understand, and some won’t. And no amount of brilliance, genius, or finely articulated sentences will reach them. I will do my best, and sometimes, my best will not be enough.
Wait, maybe you’re looking that this all wrong.
What if that one person was me?
What if that one person was me?
What if that one person was me?
Ding, ding, ding, jackpot! One person IS enough. One life saved from misery is enough. It will certainly make a huge difference to THEM. One life is profoundly significant…to that person. Write for that one person you’ll reach.
