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Meditation Experience
I've read how great and helpful meditating has been for many people. I wanted to experience what they were experiencing even though I wasn't exactly sure what that was! Here's what happened. I laid down in a recliner, closed my eyes and began focusing on taking deep breaths. As I became more and more relaxed, I became less aware of my body. I can't say my mind was completely quiet. Thoughts were there but they would drift away and become elongated like a wave rolling up the beach to stillness. I focused on those quiet moments between my thoughts trying to stretch them out in time. Throughout the mediation I would see things. Mostly shapes, dark purple clouds, flashes of light, it was almost psychedelic. I tried to focus on the shapes but as soon as I would, they would evaporate into the mist. In my mind's eye I looked over and God was sitting on our couch. He was this guy in his mid-fifties with speckled gray and brown hair, beard, and wearing this white robe. The typical robe God is portrayed as wearing in a lot of religious imagery. But this guy was different. He was very relaxed and laid back. He was kinda slouched down with his arms resting on the back of the couch and his legs were crossed. He looked like any average Joe relaxing on a Sunday afternoon watching football. AND.I could have sworn I saw blue jeans peaking out from under his robes! I chuckled to myself thinking how different this image was from how I was raised to believe God would appear. When he looked over at me we shared one of those "friend moments." You know the kind where you look at each other and it feels like you're sharing something special and secret between the two of you. I felt the connection. We both smiled knowingly at each. It was such a warm, familiar, and comfortable feeling. I let the image go and went back to "trying to meditate" which I thought meant not thinking or seeing anything. But another image appeared in my mind. I saw myself sitting in the classic lotus position, crossed legged, straight-backed with my arms outstretched resting on my knees, my thumbs and forefingers gently meeting. I tried to imagine what those "yogis" must be experiencing when in this pose. I so badly wanted to experience this place of "oneness" so many gurus reference in their descriptions. Again, I looked over in my mind's eye to the couch. God was sitting there in the exact same lotus position I imaged myself to be sitting. It's almost like he was pantomiming or mocking me, but in a very loving way! He opened one of his eyes to see if I was looking. When our gazes met, we both busted out laughing. Without opening his mouth to speak, and with a hint of remaining laughter in his voice(?) he said to me, "Jenn, you don't have to meditate like other people, whatever way you mediate IS the right way for you. It's not about sitting in the right position or exercising the correct technique, it's about quieting and slowing down your body and mind enough to create an open space. In that space you'll hear the pin drop that is me." His style of communicating this message was absolutely perfect. He was so gentle. His use of humor defused the stress and worry I generally feel regarding "doing it right." Perhaps that's what made the situation so funny to me. Upon reflection I realized how often I have look to others to tell me the "proper" or "correct" way to go about living life. Most of my life I've assumed there was one right way to do things and I desperately wanted to know what that way was. It felt like I had missed an important memo from the front office. Everyone else received it, but not me and since then I've been scrambling to catch up with what everyone else knows. After this experience I'm much more inclined to ask myself "what do I think? What do I believe? Is this true for me?" I no longer take what others say as "the law." I question everything and find my own answers. I'm still an avid reader but authors' words are no longer cut in stone. I am now the final gateway to answers. Thank you God for approaching me in such a fun and clear way!
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Self Awareness | Self
Acceptance | Self Creation | Happiness | Love Home | Links | About Author | Contact Last Update: 2/03/05 Copyright © 1997-2005
Jennifer Hautman
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