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The experience of love
is the same, what changes are our preferences.
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We establish relationships with many different types of people. Our
family members, neighbors, co-workers, friends, spouses, significant
others, etc. We've been taught that the love is different depending on
who we're loving. We even have different names for it such as Agape for
spiritual love and Eros for sexual love.
The emotion of love is the same regardless of who you feel it for. You
want them to be happy, you accept them as they are, and you appreciate
some aspect(s) about them. So if love is the same, why does it feel so
different depending on who you love?
The distinctions in the loving experience are apparent when we look
at how we express our love.
The emotions are the same, but how we express and the degree in which
we express it are different depending on who we are loving. You may want
to spend more time with your friends than your family members. You might
enjoy different activities with your co-workers than you do with your
spouse.
When and how we express love is determined by preferences. You may prefer
to spend more time with someone who is outgoing, rather than quiet,
or more serious rather than silly. You may be more physically attracted
to someone who is short rather than tall, or older rather than
younger.
There are an endless number of qualities that we might prefer over
others. And those preferred qualities determines who, when, how,
and to what
degree we express our love.
The focus of this site is on romantic relationships, since this seems
to be the area of most interest and concern. This is not surprising since
these are the people who were choosing to share most of our lives.
What is Romantic Love?
A
romantic relationship is one where you have a deep feeling of connection
to the other person. You accept them as they are, want them to feel good,
and deeply appreciate who they are. They fit in with most of your preferences
in a life partner, i.e.; personality, life goals, beliefs and value systems,
etc. One of the ways you desire to express your love for them through
your sexuality. Sex is the one key element that distinguishes a romantic
relationship from all other types.
Great, all that sounds wonderful, but why is there so much
pain in these types of relationships?
Problems in Relationships

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